ODE TO THE 506

Another morning dawns in Toronto. I open the blinds and there you are, mocking me. You shoot right past my window, dressed in red and white though sometimes you dress in pink.

You wind past Jimmy's, past that Irish bar we always want to go to, but never seem to get to. You make that weird turn at Coxwell, where you're on Gerrard then you're not on Gerrard, then you're on Gerrard. After that, you're in the India Bazaar. Oh how I love the the Lahore Tikka House. Then it's full steam ahead past about eight Pizza Pizzas until you arrive at the East China Town.

You pass a library, prison and then it's over the picturesque Don River (with purple oil slicks), second only to the Calumet Sag as North America's most disgusting waterway. Then the so-called Toronto Housing Projects, which look more like a retirement community to my hardened American eyes. They're certainly not Cabrini Green. You zoom past Cabbage Town, the Gay Village. Past the old Maple Leaf Gardens, which is supposed to turn into a grocery store. Poor Maple Leaf Gardens.

Suddenly you're on College Street and you rumble through the heart of the city. Right past Yonge Street - where they filmed part of the new Hulk movie. You pass the Legislative Assembly of Ontario where the Ontario Parliament does whatever it is they do in the Ontario Parliament. Then you lurch and crawl past the University of Toronto, where thousands of future Canadian leaders wear black stretch pants, boots and talk way too much on their cell phones.

As you cross Spadina, you meet up with Old Chinatown. Two Chinatowns in one trip - not bad for a streetcar in a town not called San Francisco. Next it's the northern end of Kensington Market, where I like to grab a taco, the Wife likes to grab vintage clothing, and the hippies like to grab something else.

You zoom through Little Italy and all the Italian and Portugese shops. Pass the Mod Club, which is a great place to see a show, and apparently a good place to dance. But Johnada's too old, so now he only dances in his living room.

To be honest, I know you continue on, but I don't know much about what happens after that. I know you eventually get to Roncessvalles, which is a nice neighbourhood that I have trouble pronouncing. But it's got good peirogies. Then you turn around at High Park and do it all over again.

You rumble by all night long, while I slumber away just meters away from your tracks - bringing the drunks home and making Balki stir.