Thursday, April 03, 2008

100th POST - The Johnadian Economy is Strong and Will Not Be Brought Down By the U.S. Recession

In honour of Johnada's 100th Official Update to our Citizens (averaging one post every 1.73 days), we decided it's time to evaluate our currency system to see if it's still retaining market value. In this day and age of the declining U.S. Dollar, we believe we must frequently check to see if the Horton is holding its own against the Euro, Yuan and Big Mac.

We are often asked what kind of donut Johnada bases its currency on. Is it the apple fritter? The dutchie? The Boston cream? The honey cruller? No to all of the above. The Horton currency rating is based on the old fashioned glazed, which is not unlike the British Pound in its resilience to current trends. But just to be certain, the President went to Timmy's to make sure Johnadians are getting value for their Horton.

My old-fashioned glazed donut tasted a lot like I would expect a glazed donut to taste. It wasn't exciting, but I didn't hate it either. It was kind of like playing an instant lottery game and winning another lottery ticket. You're excited for a second, but afterwards you realize you didn't really get anywhere (except in the case of the donut you get about 320 calories and 19 grams of fat). In my estimation, it's retaining its value well, due in no small part to the Johnada's current unemployment rate of 0. However, the Horton's value has been decreasing vs. worldwide currency. This has been caused by the decline of Wendy's Spicy Baconator, which in recent weeks has been trending downward due to the U.S. bacon market bust, despite the delightful combination of beef, bacon, jalapenos and chipotle ranch dressing. Thus we're following trendsetters like Jay-Z and looking to Europe to revalue the Horton, which is now based on the N3 Pepper from Quick.

P.S. Though we usually refer citizens to the Minister of Booze when it comes to beverage decisions, we make an exception to announce a national recall on Tim Horton's coffee due to the recent discovery that it is horrible.


Anonymous said...

I thought you were a maple glazed one... oh well.

100 posts, already? Wow! I only have 145 and I feel like I've been there forever!

beaverboosh said...

Congratulations to the right honourable blogger. Your proliferate weekly blog run rate is impressive!
Alas I must admit I have been shorting the Horton for weeks now. Though you are not pegged to the Baconator, the asymmetrical trend has been worrying. Though this will make official visits to Norway even more expensive, I am hoping it will be a boost to your export market!

Johnada said...

Zhu - I guess it's not 100 if you count Beernada's posts.

BB - The export market could use a big boost.

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