LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD - Johnada Invades the Midwest

Last week I headed up an official envoy of the Johnadian government to promote our country in Chicago and Indianapolis. I mostly stayed with my friends Shancho and Maynard. Here is the report:

Day 1 - Upon my arrival, I am treated to a royal gala with a performance by the musical act Hot Chip. It turns out, that I am not too old to dance. Unfortunately, I am too old to have tacos at 2 in the morning.

Day 2 - I rent a car and travel to Indianapolis to visit my father. On the way to the car rental place the driver of the subway car I am riding announces that she's running late, and she's going to get off the train. She also mentions her supervisor will be here in a few minutes to take us the rest of the way. The supervisor takes twenty minutes. When I finally get to the rental car place the customer service person answers the phone while she's helping me. She then talks to a different customer for 15 minutes right in the middle of "helping" me get my car! Canadians are too nice to do crap like this. (Maybe not, but I'll pretend they are.) Once I arrive in Indianapolis, I spread grass seed, rip a tree out of the ground with my bare hands and eat some lovely Mexican food. We watch the Cubs in High Definition and Johnada Sr. seems to be doing well.

Day 3 - I return to Chicago and return the rental car. At some point on the Chicago Subway my foot mysteriously starts hurting until I eventually can't even walk on it. I find the courage to limp my way to another excellent Mexican restaurant. This is followed by some fun karaoke and beer so cheap that I must be in the U.S. When our names are called, I walk to the stage like a zombie, then Shancho and I rip through a wonderful version of "Islands in the Stream". Afterwards we decide to go to the Smart Bar in Chicago. Looking back it doesn't make sense that I would agree to go to a dance club with a foot I can barely walk on. Fortunately for me, they refuse entry to Maynard because he appears to be "overserved". To be honest, I've seen the man overserved before, and this was not one of those occasions. He walks with that stagger, er I mean swagger, all the time. (FYI - you suck Smart Bar bouncer Ian Johnson). To make us all feel better it was time to cap the day with a late night viewing of Die Hard 4. Everyone falls asleep during the movie -when I wake up the next morning, Die Hard 4 is somehow still playing.

Day 4 - My foot is mysteriously healed when I wake up. Maybe I just needed the healing voice of John Mclane. We go to see the Cubs play at Wrigley Field. They crush the Pittsburgh Pirates, I drink an Old Style and make my first official purchase for my unborn child (a Cubs pacifier). This, my friends, is as good as it gets. Later, after a visit to Beernada's idea of heaven, the Cub's victory is celebrated by a viewing of Die Hard 3. I'm beginning to think these Americans really love this Bruce Willis fellow. All I can say is that I really like his hair cut.

Day 5 - I have a wonderful lunch with Momerica at a restaurant right at the beginning of Route 66. Then there is a closing night gala with performances by Iron & Wine and Califone. While at a bar afterwards meeting my second oldest friend the Smoke, I randomly meet up with my oldest friend - Natamatron. This wouldn't be that weird, except that he lives in NYC and we had no idea that each other were in town. Wonderful coincidence. More karaoke, but this time the DJ guy didn't get to me. This made me angry. Don't they know who I am? I announce to the whole bar that Johnada doesn't take this kind of thing sitting down. Next think I know I'm outside, but standing up. It's too bad because Natamatron and his sisters performance was excellent. Anyway, when you're in Chicago DO NOT GO to Trader Todd's.

Day 6 - After a rough landing in Toronto, I can't wait to get home. Too bad it takes about 1.5 hours via public transit. I guess I should complain since I celebrated Earth Day by flying in a giant airplane that was about 1/3 full.

Final Thoughts - I ate Mexican food three times, but I still wanted more. I also really enjoyed a free market economy for beer. Thanks America for that. I also passed about 400 Dunkin Donuts - America and Canada aren't that different in some respects. And finally I discovered that nobody I know cares about me anymore. For some reason, all anybody was interested in was the absent First Lady and her precious cargo. I guess I should get used to it.

Hot Chip - 4 Dunkins
CTA - 2.0 Dunkins
Indianapolis Mexican Food - 4 Dunkins
Chicago Mexican Restaurant - 4.34 Dunkins
1st Karaoke Bar - 4.1 Dunkins
Die Hard 4 - 3.454554 Dunkins
Cubs and Wrigley Field - 5 Dunkins
Hop Leaf - 4.333 Dunkins
Die Hard 3 - 1.98 Dunkins
Califone - 4 Dunkins
Iron & Wine - 2.46 Dunkins
Trader Todds - 0.0 Dunkins

CRITICALLY BITTER - Augie, Neko Case and Eric Bachmann

Sometimes things just work out well. This last weekend, the Wife and I were in Burlington, VT to visit some friends. A couple of weeks ago I saw that one of my all-time favourite musicians, Eric Bachmann, would be playing in Burlington opening for Neko Case (one of the Wife's favourites) on Sunday night. Needless to say we decided to extend the journey one more night.

The venue (Higher Ground) was great. They had lots of local Vermont beers to try (Molson rating system stolen from Beernada): Fat Angel - 2.23 Molsons, Rock Art Bock Lager - 3.4 Molsons, Switchback - 3.67 Molsons.

Eric Bachmann was wonderful as always. His solo one man with classic guitar shows are growing on me, though I still prefer him with a full rock band. Neko Case was excellent and her backing band recreated her recorded songs almost perfectly. Actually they may have been a little too accurate, as the songs were seldom noticeably different from their album versions, and I like a little variation. But who I am I to judge, the crowd clearly loved it, and her new songs sounded great. Plus, that voice. However, the highlight of the show for me was definitely Augie -Augie is the dog of Neko's female vocal accompaniment, Kelly Hogan. Kelly brought Augie on stage and put her dog bed right in front of me. About 1/3rd of the way through the show, the dog waddled over so she was laying right in front of me. I tried really hard to resist petting her, but unfortunately I couldn't stop myself. Augie seemed quite pleased, and I continued to rub her belly on and off throughout the show. At one point, I woke Augie up and the Wife was not happy with me.

I must have been to well over 300 rock concerts in my life, and I have never seen a dog onstage with the performers. That I happened to be the person that was standing right in front of Augie made it all the more rockin'.

Here's a live performance of Eric Bachmann's from WNYC -

During the interview section, there's a good story about how failing to score with a woman in Spain led to the Wife's favourite live song, Man 'O War.

Poster at top by Judge.

CRITICALLY BITTER - Juno

Critically Bitter is Johnada's chance to complain about things he has no business complaining about. Today, he takes on movies. If he really knows so much about movies, maybe he should make them, not write about them in a blog.

The Wife and I saw the film Juno last weekend. It was a good teen comedy that has a relatively happy ending and avoids a lot of dumb move cliches. Overall, I would give it 3.5 Hortons. But the movie includes one scene that is becoming a bad cliche in these "kooky" indie movies. This scene typically involves a hipster dude or dudette talking about how much s/he loves a song/band. The band/song is then played while the characters in the scene stare intently, sometimes nodding along. There is no way to make this work within the narrative of any film without taking the away from the plot. Every time I see this, it makes me want to vomit. It memorably happened in the film Garden State, when Princess Leia's mom tells the guy from Scrubs that the Shins, "will change your life."



Unfortunately, this has happened in many films other than Garden State (let me know if you remember any). In Juno, it happens when the Jason Bateman character plays Juno Sonic Youth's version of "Superstar" by the Carpenters. Through dialogue about Bateman's former band and his "cool" music room, the film had already established his rocker credibility with Juno. This part seems tacked on and totally unnecessary. It's basically the writer saying to the audience, "I like this cool song, don't you think it's cool?" I think this particular song would have worked spectacularly in the background in other parts of the movie. It's seems like a waste to pay for the rights and use it like this.

Music in movies should draw you in, make you feel closer to the character, not hit you over the head with the filmmaker's coolness.

P.S. The movie takes place in Minnesota, where I was lucky enough to live for six years prior to moving to Canada. All city references in the film are about MN towns, except for several references to a competing high school track team from Manteno. Manteno is in Illinois (just seven miles north of my home town, Bourbonnais) and a seven hour drive from Minnesota. This does not make any sense geographically. Despite the fact that no one else in the world cares, it bothers me a lot. I didn't find it cute. Here's a link to an article about the Manteno references in my hometown newspaper - the Daily Journal.

TOP CANADIAN SONGS 2007

This will be the last post for a couple of days as Johnada begins a trek back home to the States. But fear not as we will continue to post over the holidays, possibly with more of a focus on Canada's neighbour to the south. Our first stop will be Edwardsville, IL, if you'd like to follow along at home.

I should get packing, so without further ado, here are Johnada's favourite tracks from Canada and beyond in 2007.

Top 10 Canadian Songs
1) Kevin Drew "Safety Bricks (Live w/Feist on KCRW) - Feist has lead vocals on this version, which makes it slightly different than the album version. Gives the song an extra je ne sais pas.

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2) The Apostle of Hustle "My Sword Hand's Anger" - The album grew on me over time, but this song jumped out right away and it hasn't jumped back.

3) Caribou "Melody Day" - A super catchy song that sounds as if it's from the future and the past at the same time.

4) Arcade Fire "Intervention (Live on KCRW)" - I admit to not being a huge fan of this album, especially the album version of this song, but this version has an authentic energy that seems to have been lost in the official recording process.

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5) Basia Bulat "Before I Knew" - #1 sign that my descent into total wussiness is complete.

6) The New Pornagraphers "Myriad Harbour" - A great song from an otherwise only passable album.

7) The Weakerthans "Tournament of Hearts" - Any song written about the Tournament of Hearts will make my year end list, but this is so good it would have made it anyway.

8) Cadence Weapon "In Search of the Youth Crew" - Technically this album doesn't come out until 2008, but this song couldn't wait until next year.

9) The Besnard Lakes "Disaster" - This band got a lot of press earlier in the year. I didn't catch on until recently, but songs like this are why I haven't stopped listening.

10) Sloan "Can't You Figure It Out" - This album was released in 2006 in Canada, but 2007 in America, and I lived there at the time. It counts. Hard to pick one song as the album melds together so well, but this track stands out.

Top Songs from Other Countries
1) The Guy from Grizzly Bear (Dan Rossen) "Too Little, Too Late (JoJo Cover)" - My favourite song of the year. This is a great cover version of a horrible song. You don't really have to hear the original version by some young popstar named JoJo to enjoy the cover, but here it is in case you want a taste:


Now the Dan Rossen's version that Johnada likes:

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You can download your own copy of this version of the song, legally, by going here.

The best of the rest:
2) Menomena "Wet and Rusting"
3) Battles "Tonto"
4) Thurston Moore "Fri/End"
5) MIA "Jimmy"
6) Iron & Wine "Innocent Bones"
7) Low "Murderer"
8) Shipwreck "Rabbit in the Kitchen"
9) The Owls "Peppermint Patty"
10) The Dirty Projectors "Rise Above"
11) Mary Timony Band "Sharpshooter"
12) Kanye West & Common "Get 'em High (A-Trak Remix)"
13) Radiohead "All I Need"
14) LCD Soundsytem "North American Scum" - Especially the line about Canada at the end.
15) St. Vincent "Jesus Saves, I Spend"

CRITICALLY BITTER - Menomena

Critically Bitter disdains all the kids with their hipping and their hopping. Critically Bitter loves the Archers of Loaf and wishes it was still 1997. Critically Bitter dreams of rockin' in small clubs throughout North America. (Maybe he should have learned to play an instrument?) Instead, he has a blog.

The other night CB went to see Menomena and Illinois at the Mod Club. First off, let me say that I really liked the Mod Club. Great sight lines, easy access to beers, good lighting and the doorperson actually let the Wife in with zero hassle. In a twist of irony that would have delighted Sybil Taylor, the only non-Molsen/Miller item available was Steam Whistle. I will wait for Zach's trip to Steam Whistle before I comment further on the actual beer, but I'm not afraid to admit that I had two.

I liked what I had heard from the opening band Illinois, so we arrived early to catch their set. Illinois certainly had their moments, "Alone Again" and "Screen Door" stood out, but the music was generally all over the place. One minute they're My Bloody Valentine, one minute they're Beck, one minute they're a rockier Ben Folds and then suddenly a sixties psychedelic pop band. I like bands that don't conform to one sound, but it's nice to have some sort of base. I still think these guys have a lot of potential, but they should stick to one sound and evolve from there. I tend to agree with the Wife, the psychedelics sixties pop band suits them best, plus I recommend more banjo.

Menomena was great! These are three unassuming lads who seem to authentically enjoy what they do. The band obviously has great sonic ambition, but absolutely no pretencion about it. They recreate the layering of their albums so well it seems impossible only three people are playing. They switch between glockenspiel, guitar, saxophone, keyboard, guitar and bass with ease. The band's live vocal harmonizing brought an unexpected intimacy to many of the songs, especially "Rotten Hell". Finally, I really love drummers who pound away, and Menomena's drummer, Danny Seim, is one of the best I've seen in a while. During concert highlight "Twenty Cell Revolt" it felt like the whole song would have totally fallen apart if Seim didn't keep pummelling the kit as hard as possible. Having now seen them at a festival and a club, I've got to say that, like most bands, a small venue is the only way to go.

Bitter Comments - What happened to going to a concert and just enjoying the show? Why do half the people in the audience have to hold their digital cameras/cell phones over their head filming the whole damn thing? I really don't mind people snapping the occasional photo, but take the picture and put those things away. There is nothing that kills a rocking song faster than looking up to see some rock and seeing the band in tiny form on an Olympus display screen instead. Stupid kids and their blogs!

I give the Mod Club 4 Hortons, Illinois 2.49 for their potential and Menomena 4.5 for a great set.

If anyone wants to see a fantastic/sad Menomena video, go here.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT (Part II - Solo Battles)

Battles at Lee’s Palace was next on the agenda for yours truly and the Wife. I’ve been anticipating this concert for a long time, but things started out on a sour note. The people at the door rejected the Wife, because she “only” had the receipt for her Ontario Driver’s License and a photo ID, which was not enough to get in (somehow they had no problem with my expired MN license). They were not very nice about the situation either. My wife probably looks younger than she is, but she certainly does not look under 19. What a joke! Since my wife couldn’t get in and I am a gentleman, I walked her to the subway and said, “Don’t forget to let the dog out.”

In the hundreds of concerts I’ve gone to over the last sixteen years, I don’t think I’d ever been to one by myself before. It was a unique experience, especially since I was surprisingly older than most of the crowd. Somewhere between my fourteen-year-old self and now, I became that one “leerer” dude. Matters where made worse by the fact the concert started about an hour later than I expected. So I leered with a beer until the opening act, White Williams, started.

Anyway White Williams was the second most horrible thing I saw this weekend after Spiderman 3 (wow, that was bad). He really had a lame 80’s revival thing going on, which is strike one. I don’t know if it was just last night or what, but he also had zero charisma onstage, strike two. And I saw the cover of his album today, strike three.

Battles were great, as I expected, but I didn’t enjoy it as much I thought I would. Unfortunately, in my old age, I don’t like bands that clearly have a routine and do things the same way for every show. I know it’s tough keeping things fresh for 200 days in a row, but a band like Battles should not start every show with the bassist/guitarist coming out and doing the same layered-bass-through-delay routine. Switch it up a little boys. It’s probably just me, but I remember the second time I saw the Blues Explosion back in the nineties, and it destroyed me when I realized it was all just a choreographed thing that was basically the same every night. How hard is it to change a set list? Despite the lack of freshness in the set, it's hard not to get excited at the height of "Tonto" when everyone is going nuts on stage and in the crowd. Well worth the price of admission for that alone.

The door man at Lee’s Palace gets 0 Hortons, White Williams gets 1 , Battles gets 4 – but if they give it the same routine the next time, that might drop to a 3. Spiderman 3, one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time, gets 0 Hortons.