OVER THE TOP AT JIMMY'S

This week Johnada had some very special visitors up from the States. To protect their identities, we'll call them Shancho and Maymard. Because it was Grey Cup weekend, we had to take it over the top. And there's no better place to take it over the top than Jimmy's.

Jimmy's is owned and run by Jackie (it's a long story). It's located very close to Johnada. They have karaoke on Friday and Saturday night. Though it has a bad reputation on one blog, I've found it a nice place with a friendly, if not trendy, clientele. Yes, it's blue collar. And yes, people probably drink too much. But everyone was happy and encouraging us to sing on Friday night. Well, except for the woman who screamed at her husband for twenty minutes straight, but it didn't seem to bother him as he happily sang along to a rousing version of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Jackie is especially nice, though I suspect he's not fulfilling a lifelong dream by owning Jimmy's.

Setlist:
Johnada - My Generation, Chicago (Toronto version)
The Wife and Shancho - Sweet Child O' Mine, Something Else
Maymard - Give It Away, Rag Doll
Beernada - Too scared of Jimmy's to show up (Round II to Johnada)

The comic highlight was definitely Rag Doll mainly due to the improvisational skat that comes at the end. Let's just say Maymard could use a little practise. Overall, karaoke at Jimmy's was a very good time. Maymard and I even went back on Sunday to watch the final minutes of the Grey Cup.

Jimmy's gets 4 Hortons for being a neighbourhood bar that tries to be nothing else. Lenny Kravitz Grey Cup halftime performance gets 1.5 Hortons (see Prince last year if you want the only halftime show that will ever get 5), the Saskatchawan Roughriders get 4.7 Hortons for winning the Grey Cup and providing Johnada with a rare victory in gambling. And though Maymard owes me a "keg" since he lost the bet, I think posting the following picture will make us even.

Over the top, indeed!

CUBS WEEKEND 2008 - Is There a Spoon Shortage in Canada?

Warning - Long and winding post

Last weekend was circled on my schedule from the first moment last December that I discovered that the Chicago Cubs would be coming to Toronto to play the Blue Jays. To make things even better, big Cub fans Shancho and Maynard were coming up for their second visit to Johnada.

Friday night was relatively calm, after a lovely dinner at Allen's Pub, Maynard and I visited my favourite bar in Toronto - the Only Cafe, then made a quick stop by Jimmy's.

Saturday I woke up early, like a kid on Christmas morning, gleefully awaiting everyone else to get out of bed. We ate breakfast at the First Lady's favourite brunch place Bonjour Brioche. I was nervous the whole time, despite the game not starting for two hours. But we made it in plenty of time. Our seats were pretty far up there, as you can tell:
It was a great game with Cubs scoring a lot of runs off of the "ace" of the Blue Jays, Roy Holiday. The First Lady and Shancho really enjoyed the music that came on before Vernon Wells bats - a little dancy sort of techno number. It was my first game in Toronto; I have to say the stadium is a little boring, and the fans don't get very excited compared to Wrigley Field.

After a bbq at Chez Johnada with an appearance by the Scientorian, we headed out to do some 5 pin bowling. Amazingly, the First Lady (4.5 months pregnant) won the first game. I redeemed myself in the second game and won the series. Maynard, generally the best bowler in the bunch, is not too good at tiny pin bowling, but he looks good tossing the ball:We followed bowling with a trip to Jimmy's for karaoke. It was great, as usual. I sang Alanis Morissette's "Ironic" to much acclaim. I got as close to a standing ovation as you can at Jimmy's. It was a great moment for me. Then Maynard sang "Putting on the Ritz" by Taco. The performance was unbelievable, but slightly disappointing because there was no tap dancing at the end. Over the course of the night, there were many more songs, including a duet by Shancho and the First Lady. The crowd at Jimmy's was nice and creepy, as usual. One particular fellow kept hitting on the First Lady who clearly came with me and, in case you forgot, is OBVIOUSLY 4.5 months pregnant. But Jackie, who owns Jimmy's, was kind as always.

On Sunday, Maymard and I got to the Cubs-Blue Jays game a little earlier as the women stayed behind to shower. It was a beautiful sunny day, so Maynard needed to get some sunglasses. After searching for a while we finally found some. We had much better seats and sat in the shade for about three innings. At the exact moment that the sun was going to hit us and Maynard was jut about to use his sun glasses, the craziest thing happened - the roof of the stadium started to close. It was pretty amazing to watch. We were surprised because it was so nice out, but after twenty minutes of the roof closing you could tell it was about to rain. After the third inning, Shancho and the First Lady finally made it. They even made a sign because the game was going to be on WGN TV in Chicago:It actually says "Go Cubs, Eh?" on the bottom, but the guy who took a picture did not do a very good job of framing it. Anyway, the Cubs won this game after a great pitching performance by former Blue Jay Ted Lilly, so it was a great weekend for Cubs baseball.

We had planned on making it an early night on Sunday after the game, but we headed over to enjoy some drinks at the Drake which has a great rooftop deck. The deck is so nice it was enjoyable even though it rained. At dinner, we had a few too many carafe's of wine and this led us to the Rivoli for more karoake. The Riv had a more serious crowd, and my version of "Ironic" did not go over quite so well. Apparently they don't understand an ironic version of a song called "Ironic" that has no irony in it. I mean why is it ironic to have a bunch of forks when all you need is a spoon? That's just bad planning. After, my lukewarm performance, the Scientorian absolutely ripped through an amazing version of "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince. The crowd seemed confused by the frequent shout outs to Minneapolis, however.

Despite the fact that we clearly didn't want the weekend to end, we had to face reality and headed home in a taxi. The taxi driver was a Croatian immigrant living in Canada who loves Cuba. That's a lot of C's.

Overall, one of the best weekends I've had in a couple of years. And if you read this blog, you know I have good weekends.

Allens - 4 Hortons
The Only Cafe - 4.62 Hortons
Jimmy's - 4 Hortons
brunch at Bonjour Brioche - 4.5 Hortons
The Cubs - 5 Hortons
Rogers Centre - 2 Hortons
5 Pin Bowling - 3.98 Hortons
Rivoli - 3.2 Hortons

TORONTO ISLAND DISC GOLF (or How I Learned to Stop Losing My Camera and Search the Chrome)

Last weekend, Johnada and Maymard went out the Toronto Islands for a round of disc golf. Though the downtown lake front of Toronto leaves a lot to be desired, the Toronto Islands are a fabulous place to ride a bike, kayak, swim naked in freezing cold water, live and/or play disc. Having only played disc in the woods of Minnesota (well, once in Wisconsin), Johnada was not at all prepared for the lake front beauty that is the Toronto Island course.

After a few holes, we were joined by Sam the Houseboat Man. Turns out he's one of the 600 people lucky enough to live on the Toronto Islands, and he has lived their for most of his 30 years. He was quite good and offered solid advice on how to play each whole. He was also invaluable because the course is laid out very poorly, and it's very difficult to know how to find the next hole. It was definitely a challenging course that required long throws on tight fairways. It also had a couple of trees that were good at eating discs:

The Disc Golf Sasquatch in its native habitat.

The only problem with a marvellous afternoon was the end. We were cutting it very close to catch the ferry back to meet the ladies, and the course was farther from the dock than we remembered. It was an all out sprint to the bathrooms (we had a few beers on the course). After successfully getting relief, we dashed our way on board with only seconds to spare. In what can only be called typical Johnada fashion, I had a moment of panic when I realized I didn't have my camera. I quickly scoured our bag, and it was nowhere to be found. So we had to get off the ferry to retrace our steps. As I was searching the bathroom and the ferry was slowly pulling away, I heard something along the lines of "Johnada, you idiot." Turns out the camera was in the bag the whole time. I wish I could say that's the first time something like that has happened. So we had to spend another hour on the island, but it was a beautiful day: The Toronto Islands course gets 4 Hortons . . . the only thing holding it back is poor navigability. (How about some paper maps?) Sam gets 4.8 for his friendly demeanour. The Wife's Chrome bag gets 1 Horton for all of its secret compartments.

CROSSING THE BORDER - Sneaking People Across is Easy! (All You Need is a Uterus)

Last weekend was Baby Shower #1 of three. This one was held by the familia de Johnada, and it was quite a success. My sisters planned a great event, and we got all kinds of wonderful things (including my favourite book when I was a kid, an awesome hand-knitted sweater and a personalized onesie). Now I have to drive home next weekend to get everything.

It was fun to see everyone -- for the three minutes I was allowed to be there, at least. Showers are for womenfolk. So I did what I was supposed to do, I went with Maymard to a bar.

Do they have baby showers in Canada? I'm pretty sure they do.

But let's talk about the border crossing. In Toronto, you technically cross into the U.S. in the airport, so you actually go through U.S. customs before you get on the plane. Good thing we got to the airport early, because we waited in line for over an hour. It was literally out the door. Long waits at airports turn me into a very hard-to-like person, and I pretty much hate everyone else around me. I almost arm wrestled a 75 year-old Italian woman, but the First Lady managed to reel me in.

When I finally got to the customs agent, I was relieved. Until I looked at him. He was gigantic, with big moustache and tattoos everywhere. He looked at my passport and asked if I was going home. I said yes. Then he asked how Chicago could be home if I listed a Toronto address as my residence. I said that depends on your definition of home. He was not amused. Then I said, "Well, I always consider America home, you know." I'm getting better at this stuff. Next time, I'm going to spray paint the flag on my bald head.

Then we went through security where a woman was literally wanding people while talking on her cell phone. Needless to say it took forever! And the alarm kept going off when she scanned the crotches of men. Mine didn't set it off. I wonder if that's good or bad?

After all this we made it to the plane on time. Then we taxied to the runway and sat there for an hour and a half. Good thing I had SkyMall to keep me company. As you can probably guess from the picture above, I'm totally ordering the Pop-Up Hot Dog Cooker.

On Sunday, our flight got cancelled, so we ended up getting home at 2 am. Thanks United Airlines!

United Airlines: -1 Hortons (my first negative ever)
My mother and sisters: 5 Hortons
People who bought (and made) us all the unbelievable stuff (technically rewarding us for fornicating): 5 Hortons

And it the spirit of my friend JT's probably expired blog, my jam of the week:

O CANADIAN TIRE

I don't really know how to explain Canadian Tire to Americans. It's kind of like K-Mart I guess, except with a much bigger emphasis on automotive stuff. Or maybe a more upscale version of Farm and Fleet or Fleet Farm. The stores I've been in have the same disorganized, slightly dirty feel as Wal-Mart, but the scope is a lot different. Anyway, Canadian Tire is the Canadian Tire of Canada.

I've purchased three items at Canadian Tire (that I remember), to varying degrees of satisfaction:

1) Crazy Sling Shot Football Thing - This was bought by Maymard three or four years ago, while in Thunder Bay and staying at Kakabeka Falls. The sling thing was great fun. It would go super far and, with the addition of beer, made a trip to Thunder Bay very memorable.

2) Blow Up Twin Mattress - This was bought when we had two very special guests in town, and they needed to sleep in our teeny tiny apartment. I got the Twin because it was a lot cheaper than the Queen, and I thought they would be be able to fit. Except it turns out that twin mattress means space for one. To me twin should mean for two, because when a woman has twins she has two of them. I guess this purchase was not Canada Tire's fault, but I blame them because their intimidating stores prevented me from returning the mattress for a bigger one. Now, we have to be creative when we have guests.

3) Windshield Wipers - I just bought these the other day. They have some expensive wipers at Canadian Tire! I would be really complaining right now, except for the lady at the register only charged me for one . . . and the cheaper one too. Hooray for the cashier and her co-worker's distracting conversation about "all this snow, eh."

Canadian Tire is most famous for its Canadian Tire Money, which you get every time you buy stuff. I think it's pretty fun, and you can redeem it anytime you want. Plus, it teaches children the joys of capitalism. People even collect it and sell it on eBay. Crazy!

Canadian Tire gets 3.3333333333333333 Hortons. The prices are way too high for some of the cheap crap they sell there, but you gotta love the CT Money.