CROSSING THE BORDER - Sneaking People Across is Easy! (All You Need is a Uterus)

Last weekend was Baby Shower #1 of three. This one was held by the familia de Johnada, and it was quite a success. My sisters planned a great event, and we got all kinds of wonderful things (including my favourite book when I was a kid, an awesome hand-knitted sweater and a personalized onesie). Now I have to drive home next weekend to get everything.

It was fun to see everyone -- for the three minutes I was allowed to be there, at least. Showers are for womenfolk. So I did what I was supposed to do, I went with Maymard to a bar.

Do they have baby showers in Canada? I'm pretty sure they do.

But let's talk about the border crossing. In Toronto, you technically cross into the U.S. in the airport, so you actually go through U.S. customs before you get on the plane. Good thing we got to the airport early, because we waited in line for over an hour. It was literally out the door. Long waits at airports turn me into a very hard-to-like person, and I pretty much hate everyone else around me. I almost arm wrestled a 75 year-old Italian woman, but the First Lady managed to reel me in.

When I finally got to the customs agent, I was relieved. Until I looked at him. He was gigantic, with big moustache and tattoos everywhere. He looked at my passport and asked if I was going home. I said yes. Then he asked how Chicago could be home if I listed a Toronto address as my residence. I said that depends on your definition of home. He was not amused. Then I said, "Well, I always consider America home, you know." I'm getting better at this stuff. Next time, I'm going to spray paint the flag on my bald head.

Then we went through security where a woman was literally wanding people while talking on her cell phone. Needless to say it took forever! And the alarm kept going off when she scanned the crotches of men. Mine didn't set it off. I wonder if that's good or bad?

After all this we made it to the plane on time. Then we taxied to the runway and sat there for an hour and a half. Good thing I had SkyMall to keep me company. As you can probably guess from the picture above, I'm totally ordering the Pop-Up Hot Dog Cooker.

On Sunday, our flight got cancelled, so we ended up getting home at 2 am. Thanks United Airlines!

United Airlines: -1 Hortons (my first negative ever)
My mother and sisters: 5 Hortons
People who bought (and made) us all the unbelievable stuff (technically rewarding us for fornicating): 5 Hortons

And it the spirit of my friend JT's probably expired blog, my jam of the week: