7 THINGS ABOUT STUFF (Part 2)

Today in Part 2 of our response to Zhu's call for 7 things about us, we explore 7 things you may not have known about our Minister of Defence, General Balki Petraeus.

1) Johnada has no navy because the Minister of Defence does not like water. Seriously, he will not go near it. He will not even cross a wooden bridge. All of Johnada's military defeats have come when the enemy has done some extraordinarily evasive procedure, like crossing a creek.

2) Will not endorse troop withdrawals from the rogue island of Beernada until he feels the situation is under control. This is quite controversial because many Johnadians wonder about the need to fight an unending war on a rocky unarable island where the natives are all drunk and have low IQ's.

3) Prefers older forms of interrogation techniques, and will not use new technology for intelligence gathering. He believes in the old adage that the truth emanates from the "rear".

4) Though his distrust of the black squirrel is well known, based on recent speeches to the back yard, it appears he considers birds to be the greatest threat to Johnada's continued independence.

5) Heroes include World War I Flying Ace Snoopy, George Washington's Dog, and William the Conqueror.

6) Spent the Vietnam war as a medic, treating wounded soldiers by licking them incessantly.

7) Like all great military heroes, he does have his weaknesses. He lays off the booze and an operation killed his zest for the bitches, but there are some temptations even he can not resist: