Tuesday, April 29, 2008

CAN I GET THE TRIPLE MEAT WITH SOME BEEF FRIES?

Make no mistake, Johnada is an omnivorous nation. We eat animals (though we try to limit our intake to a couple times a week). We also do our best to make sure the meat comes from animals treated fairly, though we wish Canada would offer a larger selection. We also believe that if you eat meat, you should kill something and eat it at some point in your life. El Presidente has done this quite frequently with fish, but still thinks he's a little hypocritical eating mammals without having ever killed one. As far as we know, the only Johnadian who's actually killed anything worthwhile is Beernada. Seriously. He kills dear and makes an excellent venison Rogan Josh.

So while we encourage meat eating in moderation, we ban any and all meat commercials. Johnada is always amazed by fast food meat ads, but especially when they advertise beef. While people riot over bags of rice around the world, Burger King promotes its Quad Stacker with one of the dumbest commercials I've ever seen. Apparently, the Quad has been around for a while, but I just noticed when is saw the new ad that has cartoon people with giant stacks of burgers for heads. I HATE this commercial. The first lady will tell you that weird meat ads are one of my pet peeves. Despite my feelings, commercials like this keep being made, so it must mysteriously work. For some reason, somebody out there wants to eat a burger after seeing two burgers make out with each other, one using a bacon tongue:



I just don't understand the obsession with these bigger and bigger burgers. I guess fast food restaurants have to come up with new products to keep consumers interested. There's only so many things you can put on a burger, so eventually they just give up. Here's how the meeting goes:

Fastfood Marketer 1: We need a new product. How about we season our fries and make them curly?
FFM2: No Arby's already does that.
FFM1: Well, what about fries made of chicken? Surely no one has done that.
FFM2: Actually both Burger King and KFC have done that.
FFM1: How about a sandwich with tons of bacon?
FFM2: That's been done a million times. Haven't you heard of the baconator?
FFM1: How about salads that are interesting?
FFM2: Done.
FFM1: Burger with Chili?
FFM2: Done.
FFM1: Damnit, let's just add another burger to the sandwich. What are we up to now, nine?

Remind me, why are Americans (and Canadians) so fat again?

8 comments:

Mother Theresa said...

Well, I hope you don't hate memes as much as you do weird meat commercials, because you've been tagged. :)

the wife said...

is that bacon tongue in the english-speaking version of the commercial? how could i have missed this seriously disturbing detail?

i must admit that, in my current state, sometimes around 10pm those baconator commercials become tantalizing. it's as if i've been parasitized by a behavior-modifying endosymbiont...

Gary said...

Is that a fry in your pocket or....

Never mind. You're busy anyway, what with Mother Theresa tagging you.

Lastly, did somebody say "Baconator"???

I dunno what it is but I want it. Even if I have to make out with it first.

Yours in ectosymbionce,

G

Gary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zhu said...

I hate the commercial as well! BK commercials freak me out anyway. And Macdonald's ones about the new iced-coffee whatever?

(puking)

Every time I see this kind of monster food, I always think of Jay Leno: "how fat are we getting in this country that...".

SMB said...

WTF?! I have to admit, the music is catchy......but what I want to know is, what does karate and burgers have to do with each other?

John said...

MT - No, I like memes much better than beef commercials.

Wife - This is the extended version, I don't think we get to see the bacon tongue on TV.

Gary - Poor guy, you've never heard of the baconator? It's at Wendy's and the name is pretty much self explanatory.

Zhu - I haven't seen that McDonald's commercial yet, but I look forward to being disgusted...

SMB - Karate and burgers go together like soccer and scaffolding.

beaverboosh said...

Spooky commercial dude! Totally agree on the killing issues - Norway is great for grouse and elk. I have not killed a dear like Beernada, I love mrs bb to much but deer are about!

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