Wednesday, July 02, 2008

HOLIDAY WEEK - Happy Johnada Days!

The 2nd and 3rd of July are the National Holiday of Johnada. Why is it two days? Because single day holidays are for weak countries.

On July 2, 1919 the semi-sovereign nation of Johnada was officially founded on the principle that every person should have the right to rule his/her own country, as long as that person's name is some variant of John. It all started with a letter sent out by Johnada -III (the negative third) to the U.S. government regarding his refusal to pay income tax based on the principle that he didn't like doing it. Unfortunately the letter was returned by the U.S. Post Office because drawing a stamp in pencil doesn't count as postage. At that moment, J -III decided he would pay a visit to Canada to see if he could get away with not paying taxes there. Unfortunately, he learned that he was two years too late, and they charged taxes on income as well. Apparently, he wouldn't be able to sell tax-free britches anywhere. Depressed, he returned home to the United States.

After arriving home, Johnada -III knew he had to do something. There had to be some way he could get out of paying taxes without working too hard with tax loopholes and charity, like rich people. So he drank of mug of strong coffee and vigorously began to write the Declaration of Semi-Independence. However, after writing a three or four sentences, he got bored and went to see what Beernada -III, aka Dr. Blue Ribbon, was up to. They decided to head down to the local pub to have a few beers and then arm wrestle. Unfortunately, they had too many ales and after a crazy karaoke version of "Hinky Dinky Parlay Voo", J -3 was too tired to finish his manifesto on July 2. So the next day, after snoozing off a hang over and procrastinating by reading about Chicago Cub's pitcher Hippo Vaughn loss to the Cincinatti Reds, he decided he could put off Independence no longer. Seven hours later, he finally finished the six-sentence document. The Declaration of Semi-Independence now hangs in the House of Parliament/linen closet, right next to other national treasures such as Johnada -II's authentic certificate of eating two meters of sausage.

So we celebrate our nation's birth for the next two days in every way we know how. There are no official days off in Johnada, since the government doesn't really have any days on. However, if you do have to work, please celebrate the Johnadian way and do a half-assed job. Then eat some pizza or possibly some Mexican food, if you live in a place where they have good Mexican. Whatever you do, no fireworks! (More on that later) But most importantly, sleep in:
- Top photo is Beernada celebrating Johnada Days 2004 (or maybe it was his wedding, I can't remember which).


Zhu said...

I have just discovered your "Only 41 Years of Mediocrity" link and it made me laugh.

I celebrate your day by not working in the afternoon. You owe me three hours of teaching now.

beaverboosh said...

Sove godt! 2008

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