Monday, February 04, 2008

1st ANNUAL EXPAT BOWL - Kung Fu Chewy Pays Up

As many of you know, I had a bet with Gary from Kung Fu Chewy regarding the Super Bowl. I, Johnada, picked the 14-point underdog New York Giants and they won. I don’t often bet on sports, because I have a poor track record. However, my unrequited love for Earl Morrall meant I had no choice but to pick the Giants. And I won. So here’s Gary entry for my site. I think it’s quite an awesome list, though I think I have to disagree with the Air Farce comment. Maybe someday you’ll see my top ten reasons Canada is better than China. But then Gary would have to win a bet. Hey Gary, since I got this one right, care to bet against the Cubs winning the World Series?

Author's Note: Well, it's all over but the shouting now. Johnada picked the underdog Giants and they beat the Patriots. Being a diehard Chicago Bears fan, I normally wouldn't care except for the fact that by losing the bet I now have the added pressure of writing an entry in another guy's blog. And he's funnier than I am so, you know, double trouble. But I am a wee bit annoyed at the outcome of the game so who better to beat up on then Johnada's new home of Canada? Here goes nothin'......

10 Reasons China is Better Than China

10) There is no wasted space here. Like, say, Saskatchewan for example. Now wait- before you blast me, let me just say that I am fairly familiar with Saskatchewan as the second of my many, many ex-wives lives there. This, of course, means that the several times I've visited have made me an expert on all things Saskatchewan and, therefore, Canadian. Even saw a Moose once.

Also, while I'm scoring off Saskatchewan, let me just add that it is freakishly cold. So cold, in fact, that I once actually heard my sinus passages solidify and begin to crack as I stood outside smoking one New Year's Eve. It was enough to make a Chicagoan want to cry. I didn't though, because I feared the tears would immediately freeze onto my eyeballs.

9) China never foisted Loverboy on an unsuspecting world.

8) China makes all the stuff that you never really wanted but can still have at rock bottom prices. Even cheaper if it's lined with lead.

7) We have the Terra Cotta Warriors of Xian. You have the members of Rush from Toronto. Sadly, the Warriors are holding up better.

6) We don't have to use the heater and the air conditioner on the same day.

5) China invented the magnetic compass, gun powder, fireworks, the field plow, paper, printing and publishing, the wheelbarrow, pasta and the world's first decimal system.
Canada invented dental mirrors, ear piercers, goalie masks, hockey hair and Trivial Pursuit. I hereby refuse to make the obvious joke.
about inventing in Canada being a trivial pursuit.

4) China chased the Dalai Lama into exile and used excessive force to put down a peaceful student protest.

Okay, scratch that.

3) In a fight, Bruce Lee could beat up your action movie hero. If you had one

2) Canadians eat Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (aka "Kraft Dinner") with ketchup. This has nothing to do with China, it's just.......wrong.

1) China was not responsible for poutine.

Alright, in my defense, I really do love Canada. All things being equal, I think you're more apt to find a cool, down to earth Canadian than you are an American. And I love watching "Royal Canadian Air Farce". So, you know, just kidding. Don't be offended.

On the other hand, it's not my blog so what the hell do I care?

Thanks, you've been a great audience. Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.

I previously had a video from Kung Fu Chewy's early 90's band Sonic Scarecrow up, but I've taken it down, because I feel like giving him a break (and I couldn't figure out to make it stop automatically playing when the site loads). Here's the video on his site.


Anonymous said...

are you going to do a post saluting bob knight and his retirement


Gary said...

Dude- You're killin' me over here with that video. Just KILLIN' me.

Disappointed in Hong Kong

P.S. Hell yeah I'll take that Cubs bet! There's no way in hell they're winning the World Series. In fact, I'll say they won't even make it TO THE PLAYOFFS. In fact, I'll even settle for betting on who wins more games- the Cubs or my beloved Sox- take your pick

Scott said...

In some circles, William Shatner is considered quite the action hero. Though not mine.

Zhu said...


Okay, let's do that again.

1) Wasted space... ever heard of Xinjiang?? Qinhai? That's a lot of Saskatchewan around!

3) Okay, things are cheap. Just you (okay, "I") can't fit the clothes.

4)I cheer for the terracotta warriors. That's just fair.

5)Pasta is my heritage. Marco Polo rules!!!

Oh well, I resign. Give up. I surrender. I'm French after all!

beaverboosh said...

Dude, Those mullets! Whoa

Johnada said...

Mike - No post, but I'll throw a chair across my living room in his memory.

Gary - Let's make this official. I have absolutely no doubt the Cubs will win more games, so you better start working on some material.

Scott - In no circles is William Shatner considered an action hero.

Zhu - Good job. No comment on the surrendering part.

BB - They are hard on the eyes . . . but I'll let Gary respond.

Anonymous said...

I was sure I was wife #3.

Gary said...

Zhu: Marco Polo does, in fact, rule. Personally, I'm more of Ghengis Khan fact myself but maybe that's just because I liked to yell "Khaaaaaaan!!!" William Shatner. You know- the Canadian action hero.

Beave: I put alot of time into that mullet! I'm just sad that you can't see the rat tail hanging down the back of my neck. Had to keep on my barber to get it just so! Sure, it's cringeworthy now but it was cool at the time. Somewhere. I think.

Johnada: You're on. I say the Sox will win more games than the Cubs. You heard it here first

Anonymous: Nope. You were probably the, um, second? Not sure. But whoever you are, I DO want my CDs back....... 2008

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