HAPPY THANKSGIVING - I Give Up!

When I found out the first lady was with child, I was determined not to make this blog into a baby blog. I wanted to maintain my quality analysis of the deep-seeded animosity between Canada and the USA. But I've quickly learned that none of that matters to anyone else. They want baby pictures. Now! So without further delay, here is what I am most thankful for on this American Thanksgiving Day -

If you're still not satisfied, please feel free to go here for gobs more, constantly updated photos - http://www.flickr.com/photos/31348821@N03/

THERE WAS AN ELECTION? I voted for cheese!

Where have you been Johnada? Truthfully, babies make lives busy.

So my dwindling readership (hello there Bob!) has asked for the Johnadian government's official response to the U.S. election, a topic that hasn't been covered in the media and blogosphere enough. As the head of state of a sovereign nation, I had to wait to see that all results were in before I could give my opinions. Hate to start off on the wrong foot with the new neighbours. Here are some quick thoughts:

1) Still can't believe the final result, very pleasing for a new father to witness.
2) Except in California and all those other states were they decided to be a-holes again. Someone please give me well-thought comment on why people getting married affects your life negatively.
3) Canadians were a lot more interested in the U.S. election than their own. With good reason:

4) Indiana went blue, and I know this result doesn't help my Hoosier father sleep at night.
5) Can we please wait until Obama and whoever he sees fit to put in his cabinet actually do something before we judge them?
6) Guantanamo has got to go.
7) I wonder if my ballot is one of the ones they are fighting over in the MN recount. I voted for Al Franken and cheese.
8) Any Republicans disappointed in the outcome, have you thought about moving to Canada? We've got a conservative Prime Minister, a deteriorating envrionmental policy and each day brings more private health care.

I'm predicting Montreal in the 96th Grey Cup tonight. Stay tuned around here, Senor Beernada has been exploring Toronto beef lately, causing speculation that he may be writing a Beefnada column soon. We'll also be reviewing some more Canadian stuff. Hooray for Canada.

HALLOWEEN 08 - Crazy Kids of DeGrassi

Well, as you may imagine, the last couple of weeks have been quite busy in the land of Johnada. Sorry for the lack of updates, but I've been enjoying my bambino in my spare time.

This past Friday night we had our first Halloween on De Grassi Street. It was much better than last year -- we had a ton of trick or treaters. So many that I had to start giving out my Cubs candy bars that my mom gave me to celebrate the baby and the possibility of a Cubs World Series. (As you can imagine, the baby really made me forget about the Cubs chokery.)

The kids were dressed as spiders, ghosts, witches, Marge Simpson and a lot of other cool costumes. Later in the night, some kids came by holding a basketball. I gave them some good candy, because I appreciate the lack of effort. That was how I rolled in my later years.

We even had some trick or treaters come by at 10:15. That's way too late in Johnada, though I did answer the door. I can't believe any body hands out candy that late. We also had a rogue group of 14 year-old boys that were raising hell on the street earlier. They rolled a wet tire in front of our place. And like the old man that I have become in the last four weeks, I yelled at them that they'd better move it. One of them even did it. Only in Canada.

Generally, everyone is doing well. The lack of sleep has not been that bad, although I must admit that I don't have it bad as the First Lady. I lack certain amenities.

Any Americans out there who read this, I don't think I need to say it, but please vote for Obama. Please! And Dad, I know you're not going to vote for Obama, but hopefully you'll come to realize he's not a communist terrorist. At least until he nationalizes grocery stores and blows them all up on inauguration day.

And to celebrate the election, here's the perfect Clash song:

CANADIAN HEROES: Esme "Essie" Fay Johnada

Our latest Canadian Hero is one if Canada's newest citizens. (She's also a citizen of the U.S. and Johnada, of course.) Don't have a lot of time to talk, because of things like poo, but the Royal Cargo came a little early. She had to stay in the hospital a little longer than we wanted, (luckily Canada has a better health care plan than Johnada). But she's doing great now, no longer getting supplemented by my finger, adding weight by the day. Her name is Esme, but she's going by Essie for a while. She probably won't like it when I call her that in front of her first boyfriend.

P.S. For all the French people out there, don't be mad at me for the lack of accent on the second e, that was the First Lady decision.

ROCKTOBER 08 - Bald Baby Bears

If you'll allow me to indulge for a post, I'd like to talk about the exciting month that is starting today. I've always enjoyed October, with it's crisp winds, nice foliage, seasonal squash, fresh apples and hallowed weens, but this has the makings of a really good one.

• It will most likely include the birth of my first child (if it doesn't the First Lady is going to be very uncomfortable on November 1 -- 10 days after her due date).


• It will hopefully include a big lead for Obama going into the last week of the election.


• It will hopefully not include a majority Conservative government in Canada.


• And it will maybe, possibly, perhaps, mayhap, perchance, dare I dream, include the first World Series Title for the Chicago Cubs since 1908.


• Other exciting October events: Canadian Thanksgiving, a new album one of my favourite music type things (Crooked Fingers), National Pizza Month (my favourite food), Be Bald and Be Free Day is Oct. 14 (and it's the full moon), Halloween and the 1st Anniversary of Johnada!

Honestly, if we get a healthy baby out of the deal, everything else will be icing, but it's still has a chance to be a very memorable time.

Tonight it all begins in exciting fashion with the Cubs first playoff game.

P.S. - Remember that it's never too early to start thinking about what to send Johnada for Be Bald and Be Free Day. And no you can't buy me a hat.

CANADA, GET TO KNOW YOUR CANDIDATES

Last week, we talked about somebody's push to get Barack Obama elected Prime Minister of Canada. That ain't going to happen. So for all you Canadians out there who don't know enough about your candidates, here's a handy guide from an American who's not voting, and not entirely sure why the process works the way it does. We base our evaluations on the three features that we figure our most important to Canadians - what's their position on donuts, hockey and children.

Your welcome.

Steven Harper - Conservative Party - We always watch the Daily Show at 11, and his commercials come on during it. Here's what I know about him - he loves sweater vests and he has young kids. So those are two big plusses. He also loves hockey. Apparently he's been working on a book about its history. I don't know his official policy on donuts, but apparently the guy who used to own Tim Hortons doesn't like him. That is not a good thing.

Stephane Dion - Liberal Party - He's French Canadian, he has a funny accent, and there's this one picture that the Conservatives keep showing of him where he looks all confused. I've never seen any commercials where he talks about his kids. He's doomed. Or at least he was until this weekend, when Harper compared is environmental/economic (the so-called Green Shift) plan to Tim Hortons Donuts. That's big points for Dion. Also, he loves hockey too. In fact, the Liberals started a website where they show him playing floor hockey. You have to subtract some points for it being floor hockey, but I don't think there's any video of Harper playing any kind of hockey.

Jack Layton - New Democrats Party - (For full disclosure, he represents our new riding on DeGrassi Street.*) I don't know if he has kids, but I saw him up close and personal before a rally for something I had to do for work. He was wearing a lot of makeup, so points off for that. I know all politicians have to do this for the cameras, but he's the only one I've ever seen up close. And I'm also not sure about donuts, but he looks like a lot of the guys I see coming out of Tim Hortons every morning, so that's a good sign. He uses hockey metaphors in his speeches (but I'm sure all good Canadian politicians do this). And he did chime in on the recent Hockey Night in Canada Theme Song Controversy.

Elizabeth May - Green Party - Again not sure, if she has any kids. Don't these politicians understand the family game? If you don't have kids, hire some for the campaign. As for hockey, I did find a press release with her talking about the low standards for hockey helmets in Canada. I guess that's either positive or negative depending on whether you're old school or not. Recently, she had a rally at the Hockey Hall of Fame - BIG points for that. However, there are not photos of here drinking a beer/grass smoothie out of the Stanley Cup. That would be worth at least three points in the polls. As far as I can tell, she has no official Donut Policy, but I've got to assume she favours organic donuts.

In my official duties as El Presidente, I will have to interact with all of these wonderful candidates, so unfortunately, I can not endorse any candidate. You'll just have to decide based on the information I've provided.

*Riding is Canadian for political zone. It may have had something to do with riding horses to vote or something. You can make all kinds of juvenile jokes about this term, but I will refrain.

CANADIAN HEROES - Whoever Did This

These people are even more confused than we are, and we can get excited about that. They have decided that the next Prime Minister of Canada should be Barack Obama - Barack Obama for Prime Minister. Apparently the site was started because a poll of Canadians showed that Obama would defeat all other Canadian PM candidates, included the current Prime Minster, Stephen Harper. This is really going to stop all those nasty rumours that Canadians have America envy.

Unfortunately, I can't get behind the platform, because Johnada only votes for Johnada for Prime Minister. And really, I can't vote for Prime Minister. And America needs Obama a LOT more than Canada. Really!

But I appreciate the effort, and for that whoever created the site is our latest Canadian Hero. I respect anyone who's willing to create a site for Obama, especially those that follow through (unlike me).

P.S. For all you Americans and other non-Canadians that read this site, there's also an election going on in Canada right now. It's kind of scary because the current Prime Minister (who kind of sucks) may get a majority government. What's a majority government, you ask? Well, we'll talk more about this in the upcoming weeks, I suppose, you silly Americans who don't know anything about countries that aren't America.

I LIVE ON DEGRASS STREET- And I Rock Out to the Zit Remedy

Probably the biggest reason I haven't been around lately is due to our move. We relocated to a bigger place in a more pedestrian friendly neighbourhood due to the pending arrival of the royal cargo. So, it's goodbye to Jimmy's Place and hello to Jimmy's Place. We still live in Toronto, but we now live on what is basically a national landmark in Canada - DeGrassi St. Yes, the DeGrassi St! (If you don't know why this is awesome, than you obviously did not grow up in the U.S. or Canada in 80's or today. Degrassi Junior High/High is a monumental Canadian show.)

First of all, DeGrassi is not that big of a street. It is really only a couple of blocks long, connecting Queen St to Gerrard St. The series was named after our street because the creators lived around here and used the exteriors for shooting the first incarnation, called "Kids of Degrassi Street". (For some reason, they don't capitolize the "G" in their version.)

Everybody asks me what the school is like. Unfortunately, there is no school on DeGrassi St. Apparently, they filmed some of the school scenes in a school a block away, before relocating to other areas of town.

There are definitely a lot of kids on Degrassi St (soon to be one more). I'm always amazed by how many strollers roll down our little street. And lots of dogs too. Plus a cat named Lilly who is brave enough to come in our place with no reservations, despite the protests of Balki. Overall, it's a great street. In fact, miracle of miracles, there's not a Tim Hortons anywhere close. For that, I give it 5 Hortons.